Communication is Not the Same as Talking a Lot
When thinking about communication, the first thing that generally comes to mind is speaking. However, having good communication skills is not the same as talking a lot. In fact, having good communication skills often means not talking a lot.
Some of the best communicators that I have come across have not been the most talkative people. And some of the most talkative people that I’ve known, have not been the best communicators. To communicate, one needs to be able to listen to others, which talkative people do not excel at, and also, to be able to choose the right words to use to get a point across to a specific audience.
To communicate, one must actually be communicating. Not just talking into the void. There must be a connection and a sense of understanding between the speaker and the listener. This requires more than uttering lots of words. It requires knowing your audience, how they will perceive your words, and knowing how to best arrange words into phrases that adequately express what is in your mind. This is communicating – where you, as a speaker, are effectively delivering your thoughts and the listener is able to receive them. And then vice versa.
Proper communication involves give and take. Sometimes you’re the speaker and then sometimes you are the listener. And it’s not just about taking turns; it’s about furthering the discussion. So, if you think, I let them speak a sentence, now it is my turn to speak a sentence, then you’ve already missed the plot.
One other point is that professional communication does require words. Sure, you can communicate via body language, such as giving someone the silent treatment. But to communicate in a mature manner, one must use verbal language, not grunts or groans or eye rolls. Use words if you want to appear like a grown up instead of a child on the playground.
Also, don’t assume that everyone can read your mind. They can’t and they won’t ever be able to. So, stop expecting them to. Many years back, I knew of a manager who would berate staff members for not knowing what he was thinking. However, if he had just used some words, they would have immediately understood what he wanted.
Communicating isn’t easy, but all workplaces would be better off if we could each work on it a bit more. Use words to explain your point, listen to the other person to understand their perspective and to determine if they understood what you meant, and then use more words to further the discussion. But don’t think that you are communicating just because you talk a lot. Don’t think that by using lots of words that you sound impressive. And don’t assume that other people are in your head because they are not. That would be weird.